The Letter. [PART 9]

Hi, Alex. It's Amy here. It has been close to a year since I last left you at the airport, and just about half an hour since we talked via Skype on the laptop they provided me here with. I admit that it took me a really long time to initiate that Skype call with you. I just.. couldn't muster up the strength and courage to pick myself up after the huge hit from Pam's sudden death. It just goes to show that life is really a fragile thing that should be treasured and made the most out of while you still have that precious time.

I actually had something really important to tell you just now, but somehow the moment never felt right. By the time you read this letter, I'm sure you would have already known that I'm about to undergo a surgery in less than 24 hours time. To be precise, a surgical clinical trial. I don't know for sure what the outcome will turn out to be, and neither do the top surgeons all over the world.

Just in case I wouldn't have the chance to say all these to you in the future, I'm just going to jot them all down in this letter and hope that I can make the words flow as smoothly as possible. You know me and papers; I'm such a lazy pig that I hate thinking of things to write. For starters, I will just write about all the memories passing by in my head right now.

I remember clearly how we started going out. I remember the time when I forced you to take an extra language class with me because I didn't want to be a loner in that class. I remember the time when you teased me because you got first in that very same class and me, third. I remember the time when I started having a crush on you, when I was just sweeping my eyes around the cafeteria and spotted you and my heart skipped a beat. I remember when you sat in front of me during tests and always turned around to talk to me between breaks. I remember when we were upset that we were separated to different classes the next semester. I remember when we reunited in the same class two semesters later. I remember when we went to a camp, where I got locked out of my room because I was in your room studying till past midnight, and I ended up going back to your room for the night. I remember when you asked me out on our first date, using the excuse of your friend not being able to make it for a late night movie. You were all nervous and sweaty as your friends hung around nonchalantly at the back, failing miserably to blend in with the non-existent crowd. I remember when that one date turned to two and then three and then countless more.

I remember when we drifted apart when I started dating Will. I remember when I was feeling down when I argued with Will but you came to my house and surprised me with a picnic basket groaning under the weight of all my favourite food. I remember when we had a dispute because you spent so much time on DotA and I hid your favourite gaming headphones because I was so mad at you. We didn't talk for days after that but you came to apologize with flowers and a cute teddy in hand. It was always you who apologized first, always you who conceded to me. I remember all the little things you did for me, those small touches that paint a smile on my face every time I think about you.

Our journey was definitely not the best, nor the smoothest sailing relationship out there, but all of these memories we created together were the best I could ever ask for. I sincerely thank you for all the memories you have given me. Those were the memories that can still make me laugh and yet, cry as I write this letter to you.

If this surgery succeeds, and I live, then good. You will never have to know about the existence of this letter. But if by chance this operation fails, I want you to continue living your life without me. Get a girlfriend. Propose to her. Start a new family. Get on with life.

 As selfish as it sounds, I don't want you to forget about me. I want you to be able to look back upon our memories fondly, and improvise those failed plans you did for me for your next partner. Chase your dreams, no matter what others say to you. Open your own clinic. Be the most lovable, the kindest, the greatest doctor anyone has ever seen. Find a cure for my sickness. Because I have faith in you that you can do it.

As time passes by while I'm writing this letter, I can't help wishing that you were here next to me. But I'll stay strong and get through this surgery on my own. I'll be ready to greet you with outstretched arms once I'm all better, and then maybe this letter won't even be deemed important any more.


P.S. I hid your favourite DotA headphones at the back of the guest room cupboard. Just in case you wanted them back.




P.P.S. I love you.